Hallowing

O God, teach what it means to hallow Your name
so many of the problems in my life stem from this
that my heart
from which flows all the streams of life
hallows the wrong things
and these things
having inadequate glory
produce no real hallowing
thus I know nothing in the now
of the hallowed.

O God, teach me the passion of hallowing Your name
show me substance to turn aside to
to snatch my heart from sin
to crush my heart with repentance
seeing not the horror of my guilt
but the hollowness of my life
We are worse than sinful
we are boring and colorless
but more, yes, there is the shame of it all
hiding under dark bushes
sewing leaves
that cannot hope to cover our vast guilt
our colorlessness
our straw-stuffed shirts.

Yet denouncing straw
does not change the soul
nor point to a greater glory
O God I seek Your face
Your presence
the presence
of the source of all souls
all minds all poetry all passion
all creation
mystery above all mysteries
I am weary of what is called “worship”
I seek God, the God who is real.
Yet I bow in humility
(as if I am so holy and so wise)
to participate in the community
of those who believe
to sing a song of praise
in the assembly
to remember Your excellence together
O God let hallowing increase
not mere singing
not mere dancing
not mere praising
dead repetition
no but hallowing
holy anger
holy fear
bowing the knee deeply
before Him who is greater
and far more humble
than we could ever know
more like a child
filled with more wisdom
power beyond the wildest imagining
of any technology
all good things find their meaning and source and end
in You O God
and I bend the knee
You are greater than me
greater than all
I know not what I have done
nor Who I seek
nor the place I am entering
I enter silent
with head bowed
if there is grace to enter
it is not of my merit
there is little of the child in me
little of the sage
there are a thousand turnings
to the whispers of the serpent
wrapped up around my soul
a thousand half eaten apples
lay strewn about my feet
millions of useless fig leaves
poorly sewn in haste in the dark
and wonder of wonders
it is YOU coming to seek me
calling my name
O God, do not ask what I have done
You know what I have done
I am so deeply sorry
Lord, I do not deserve these skins You offer
I am unworthy of this blood shed on my behalf
So I am thankful so thankful
I hallow this gift
treasure beyond treasures
to secure a wealth
beyond the resources of all all the universe combined:
to know the Maker of it all,
to whom it is nothing but a whim of imagination
called into existence with a word
Yes
I hallow this gift
wracked with weeping sobs
I offer my shamed and guilty self
on the altar
if You should accept me
and I kiss your feet
weeping
I cling to You
my only hope
and
my best hope
I hallow You above all creation.
So help me God.
AMEN.

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