I found this on Craigslist:
The Grace of Our Lord church seeks a new Lord for worship. Candidates must be monotheistic in nature with at least 3,000 years of experience. Absolutely NO animal or human sacrifice must be required. Deities that do not forbid bacon or alcohol are preferred. No confusing trinities or disparate gospels will be considered.
If you think that you are right god for the job, please send resume, cover letter, and sample holy text. No applications will be accepted by burning bush or divine revelation.
* Location: Bloomington
* Compensation: Payment is in the form of a ten percent tithe by all community members.
* Telecommuting is ok.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Ha ha ha! This is really clever. We have a perfect human deity here! Ancient – at least 3000 years of experience. This means that the deity won’t seem like a recent invention. This rules out most.
No animal or human sacrifice – no propitiation needed! This sounds good, until you think about the reasons that sacrifice exists. What they are asking for is a God who winks His eye at evil and effectively accepts evil. Or else judges all evil as evil without a propitiation, which means we’re all screwed. This is the God of the “seeker” megachurch – mildly helpful with sweetly condemning advice and no just forgiveness. He’s got it right there!
No confusing trinities – right! We want a God in our image, nice and simple. A god with loneliness and isolation and selfishness at His root, with no idea of subjection to an Other.
Disparate gospels – no messy eyewitness accounts of anything that are so true that they have slight diversions because they are told from different perspectives. We want a perfect fairy tale account that is easy to produce if you are making it up.
I don’t think they’ll be getting any resumes for this one. The real God is triune, just AND a justifier, and lives and moves and came in the flesh in the real world. I like the real God a lot better!